Why do we self-sabotage? Psychology explains it

The behaviors of self-harm and self-sabotage – from picking your skin to disappearing from other people’s lives (ghosting) – originate in evolutionary survival mechanisms, according to a new psychological analysis.

The clinical psychologist Charlie Heriot-Maitland explores, in his new book Controlled Explosions in Mental Healththe biological bases of harmful behaviors. Thus, he maintains that, although these behaviors may seem counterintuitivethe brain uses small self-inflicted damage as a protective dose to prevent further damage.

For example, someone may procrastinate when starting a project, causing harm to himselfwith the intention of avoiding more serious harm, such as failure or rejection. “Our brain is a survival machine. It is programmed not to optimize our happiness or well-being, but to keep us alive. It needs us to exist in a predictable world. It doesn’t like surprises. It doesn’t want us to be surprised,” explains the psychologist.

“Being exposed to threats and dangers is bad enough, but the most vulnerable state for humans is to be exposed to unpredictable threats. Our brain cannot allow this and acts to offer us more controlled and predictable versions of the threat. It prefers that we manage our own downfall rather than risk being knocked down by something external. It prefers that we are trained to deal with self-inflicted hostility than risk being caught off guard by the hostility of others,” he adds. Heriot-Maitland.

This protection mechanism is based on a fundamental principle: The brain prefers to deal with the certainty of a controlled and known threat than to deal with the possibility of an uncontrollable and unpredictable threat. The science behind this theory is based on how the human brain evolved, designed primarily for survival and not happiness.

Brains are programmed to detect danger everywherewhich helped the species survive. However, this currently means that humans are especially sensitive to any potential harm, physical or emotional.

“Our brains have evolved to perceive threats, even when they do not exist, in order to trigger a protective response. We have all inherited a highly sensitive threat detection and response system,” he explains.

Procrastination, perfectionism and self-criticism

Common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, perfectionism, and self-criticism. Perfectionism works in a similar way to procrastination, but through different mechanisms. While procrastination diverts attention from tasks, perfectionists may display hyperfocus and attention to detail in the hopes of not making mistakes. The main motivation is usually avoid failurebut this exposes the perfectionist to stress and burnout.

Self-criticism represents another form of self-sabotage, either trying to improve oneself or blaming oneself to generate a sense of control and agency. All of these behaviors imply a neurological kidnapping in which the brain’s threat response system takes over higher cognitive functions, such as imagination and reasoning.

The threat system uses these cognitive functionsexplains Heriot-Maitland, which is why, when experiencing fear, the imagination can be instantly flooded with predictive scenarios related to fear.

One problem with self-sabotaging behaviors is that they often become self-fulfilling prophecies. “If we believe we are not good at something, we may not give our best. and we end up performing worse than we would have done if we had had a different expectation. Or if we believe that someone doesn’t appreciate us and we avoid them, our fear of rejection can prevent us from developing a relationship,” she explains.

Even if it is recognized that these behaviors are not useful, Addressing them requires first understanding their protective functioninstead of just trying to delete them. Using the metaphor of self-sabotaging behaviors as controlled explosions, he explains: “The bomb squad is not our enemy. They are protecting something big, something hurt, something painful. In many cases, it can be linked to a difficult life experience: a threat, a trauma or a tragedy. Controlled explosions hurt us, but we must not lose sight of that either.”

Create security around

Effective psychological interventions focus on processing the underlying emotional painalthough he acknowledges that this is “a difficult choice” and that it is not a “quick fix.” “Resolving the underlying damage can involve both aspects: creating security around the situation and the feared emotion; and mourning the loss of a basic need that in that situation was unmet, denied or ignored,” he details.

Ultimately, the way out of the self-sabotage cycle is not through more self-criticism, which only reinforces existing neural circuits, but through self pity. To take advantage of the brain’s neuroplasticity and learn less harmful habits, people must deliberately recognize and understand their behavior first.

“Incorporating compassionate motivations into a process like this is not automatic. It requires time, effort and intention”indicates the expert, who adds that understanding the evolutionary basis of self-sabotage offers the opportunity to recognize the protective function it had, while addressing the damage caused without judgment.

“We don’t want to fight these behaviors, but we also don’t want to please them and allow them to continue controlling, dictating and sabotaging our lives. We have options here,” he concludes.